my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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