i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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