You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
