awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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