I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
