I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You can't just leave with hair like that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
this is an emotional support booty call
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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