He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
