why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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