we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
