I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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