don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just high enough for therapy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
