dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
