my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
