he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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