My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
