so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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