Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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