sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize