evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
