The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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