Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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