Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
