im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
