I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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