theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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