Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
