btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
