There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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