Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
