I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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