Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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