You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
