I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
