shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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