cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
