Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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