so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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