i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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