Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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