Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
