I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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