I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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