then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
