can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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