I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
