i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
