I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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