Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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