The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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