Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
