Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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