I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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