The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
