Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
