Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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