So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
