Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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