Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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