Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
