i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
