I never want to see another naked old woman again.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
