You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I only lived at night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
