"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
