Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
