just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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