somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face