I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?