laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
