How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet