There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream