if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
