just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dignity is for republicans.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
