dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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