this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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