I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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