I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
