I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
