just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
