Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize