you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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