can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
