dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
